The Royal Airforce admits to shooting down Santa

Since 1955 the North American Aerospace Defence Command NORAD has been tracking Santa as he, his sled and reindeer, deliver presents to all the good children in the world on the night of Christmas Eve.

Britain however, is not a member of NORAD and does not track Santa. So back in 2012…

BBC Breaking News: RAF Says “Sorry, We Shot Down Santa” 06:15 25/12/12

A Senior RAF spokesperson has just made this announcement: Air Commodore Jack Ripper said, “It is with deep regret that I must inform the nation that at 02:15 hours we confirmed that the RAF had shot down Father Christmas as he crossed the Scottish border.
   he continued  “Two Tornado F3s of No. 111 Squadron were scrambled from RAF Leuchars in Fife Scotland to intercept the unidentified intruder but were too slow. Satellite data indicated the intruder had originated from somewhere in the  Arctic Polar Sea, actually from near the North Pole. It was concluded that it was likely an intercontinental ballistic missile launched from a nuclear submarine. The intruder was subsequently shot down by a surface to air missile. We can confirm there are no survivors, though Blitzen is unaccounted for.”
   A Ministry of Defense spokesperson has confirmed the incident and added that, “The Army will ensure that every child in the UK receives a toy this Christmas. Though for logistical reasons children will have to visit regional distribution centres to collect their toy.” So far the Prime Minister has been unavailable for comment.

Happy Holidays!

from The Universal Machine http://universal-machine.blogspot.com/2016/12/the-royal-airforce-admits-to-shooting.html

Santa upgrades Rudolph

With the growing world population and therefore more good children to deliver presents to, in just the one night, Santa has made a hard choice. His reindeer: Rudolph, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, and Olive were not getting any younger. So Santa has gone 21st century, put his beloved reindeer out to pasture, and replaced them with robots from Boston Dynamics. Happy holidays!

from The Universal Machine http://universal-machine.blogspot.com/2016/12/santa-upgrades-rudolph.html